Doing a Face Mask and Carb Loading Is the Only Reasonable Way to End 2019

Do you ever get that feeling, you know, when you’ve settled in for a relaxing clay mask after a long day of work? Sweats are on, wine is poured, Friends is playing, but as you reach to peel a measly cucumber from your eyelid you wonder: is there more to life than this?

The answer is yes and it’s colliding into your life in the form of a heaping bowl of alfredo. Beauty influencers took one look at that pickled excuse for a snack and declared we deserved better after enduring 2019. Yes, Instagram has taken to eating bowls of pasta while doing their skincare routine, documenting the revolution with a selfie.

At first, it feels a bit Chaotic Good to see a person twirling a forkful of noodles inches from her charcoal mask. But then, the images begin to feel very comforting and wholesome, as if you’re witnessing a person fully living their best lives. Combos of pasta and peeling masks spontaneously arise, as if they had been living just under the surface. (Sheet masks and scampi, moisturizer and manicotti, retionol cream and rigatoni…)

You realize, this is working on some level. It makes a lot of sense as a pairing: two activities I willingly substitute for self care instead of, you know, drinking water or going to sleep. One user even shared a tip for indulging in carbohydrates while you exfoliate: “Pro Tip from @pyperamerica: let the steam from the spaghetti penetrate the mask deeper into your skin 🍝”

Like most daring movements, it raises questions. Will this become the new glass of wine and a bath combo? Is there a baguette just within reach? Dare I say spas should now have in-house chefs at the ready, so I can dig into penne mid-facial?

In a year where impeachment looms, the world is burning, and we’re forced to reckon with Cats, is there anything wrong with tucking ourselves in for a 2020 that starts with a mild food coma and undeniably fresh skin? In fact, I couldn’t think of a better way to cap off this dumpster fire of a decade than by cleansing my pores of filth and filling my stomach with carbs. A Bella Notte, indeed.

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